Do you ever experience it? Just lying awake and worrying?
However bad you feel like sleeping, it just won’t get quiet in your head.
Oh boy, before I started this new period in my life, this unfortunately had been the theme of my life.
I was a terrible sleeper and felt stress all the time, as well in business as in my social life and this interfered with my life, literally and figurative. It made me feel ill.
I think it’s shocking to see and hear how many of my generation are just having to deal with this. And we all act as if it’s a normal thing, as if the stress is part of our lives.
Absurd, don’t you think? Is this the quarterlifer crisis everyone talks about? Being burned out by all the stimuli and pressure in an early stage of your life. How can we learn to deal with this differently? To me it was one of the reasons to rearrange my life, to choose my own path, make my own choices and to be able to feel more. The pressure I felt from work and social views although I did choose them myself, but this didn’t seem to fit me anymore. I just had to do this and then see what it might bring me.
I can’t say I’m stress-free now, not by far. It does get more clear what my doing or comes from the context of my life is. I am still a time-freak, at least, that’s what I call it. I still have a hard time with planning everything because I’d like to spend all my time as useful as possible. I just kept on putting everything on a scale in order to know what would be the most useful thing to do. I always thought I was the only person to struggle with this until a good friend told me that he has exactly the same struggles. And because of our hectic live it only seems harder and more important to spend your spare time the best way you can.
What usually happens? Because of all the puzzles and the way you keep thinking about it often means you don’t make a choice at all and you don’t fill in the spare time you have. And that way you will only feel worse. It’s stress, stress of making choices.
Watching a movie? No, it’s better to watch a documentary, because I might learn something and that’s important. Some FIFA? Yeah, nice, but no, it’s a waste of time. I am better off spending it on... well, what? Yes well, you think about that, but there’s so much out there that is ‘better’ then some FIFA, right? Having all these options and possibilities for spending your spare time is hard. And it’s all about choices you have to make with and within yourself. But if you are concerned about what someone else may think it is even more difficult.
Making choices is something I grew into, during my traveling. I sometimes chose to do absolutely nothing, an obligated hour on the beach, just sitting or listening to some music while watching the sunset for an hour after dinner. And of course trying to enjoy that moment. That is something I would really like to learn more and try to do more often. As you can read, it is not something that comes easy yet. But this is how it works, when you’re not familiar with something you have to learn and try and in the long run it will be something your accustomed to naturally. I am looking forward to finding out what this will bring me.
Stressing out about what lies ahead, yes, I still do that, but it’s become so much less. But still, looking for the right place to sleep can be really stressful in some parts, especially the less popular areas. Sometimes there is nowhere to get supplies or to find a good place to sleep. Even though deep down inside I know it’ll always be solved I can still have a lot of stress. Will I find a place? A comfortable bed at night after a day on a bike and knowing you can restore the burned calories with a plate of good food. Those are things I can get worked up over. I think this will become less in a few months, at least I hope so, haha!
To be honest I can really be stressed when I think of the future too. My budget is decreasing step by step. And it isn’t as if I’m making easy money while cycling around. How much do you think? Honestly; niets, niente, njet, absolutely nothing. It’s my own choice because I didn’t want to start with sponsors at first, but it sometimes feels rather stressing.
Being thrifty in order to be able to keep cycling is tough, especially when coming from a position in which money wasn’t an option, ever, I made more than enough, was able to save and do whatever I wanted.
So yeah, now what? It’s something that’s on my mind and at the same time, when I’m out of money and haven’t got enough income during my travels I’ll have to work for a while. How hard can that be? Life could be much worse.
I really try to learn to enjoy the here and now and everything I’m doing at this time and not focus on the future. Maybe I will never run out of money, so why worry about it now, I don’t even know for sure it will happen. Anyway, it is better to enjoy everything more intens now. So when I don’t have a choice and have to choose that little expensive pension in a small Spanish town than I just have to take that and enjoy it. I sincerely feel it like this. Just trust that everything will be fine, in due time, as everything will always be fine.
Any choice is worth a congratulation, choosing something means you can move forward is what I think. Not making a choice is what causes stress. So I sincerely belief that I can make my own choices and I get to determine whether that is the right choice or not.
I did it like that, in my own way, choosing my own route. That’s how I do it and how I will keep doing it. And the stress; I’ll manage how to deal with it, for sure.